As a Grandma, I have a good laugh when I read clean jokes about grandma’s and grandpa’s, but dirty grandma jokes have never impressed me or made me laugh. Humor is good for the soul and no matter how old you get, we can all appreciate a good clean joke or poems about grandma’s and grandpa’s.
Just for fun, I thought I’d share some funny Grandma and Grandpa jokes I’ve come across, as well as several grandparent one-liner’s and sayings. I hope you enjoy these jokes as much as I have. Feel free to share your own favorite quotes about being a grandparent in the comment section below.
Funny Grandma Quotes
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” Sam Levenson
“There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.” Doug Larson
“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.” Rita Rudner
“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres
“My husband’s granny is 87 and she just got two hearing aids and cataracts removed from both eyes. I tell her we’re going to fix her up just a little more and then sell her.” Tina Fey
“My grandmother lives in Florida now. She just moved, which is great because we thought the coma was permanent.” Myq Kaplan
“I was going to be a nice guy and mow my grandmother’s grass, but then I thought, ‘Hey, the cemetery takes care of that.’” Ken Ferguson
Grandma Grandpa Sayings
“The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.” Sam Levenson
“To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” Bernard Baruch
“Just about the time a woman thinks her work is done, she becomes a Grandmother.” Anonymous
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” Sam Levenson
“To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.” Thomas Bailey Aldrich
“Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future.” Gail Lumet Buckley
“If nothing is going well, call your grandmother.” Italian Proverb
“When a child is born, so are grandmothers.” Judith Levy
“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.” Alex Haley
“I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have – if only for self-defense.” Gene Perret
“Perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.” Welsh Proverb
“Grandparents who want to be truly helpful will do well to keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves until these are requested.” T Berry Brazelton
“They say genes skip generations. Maybe that’s why grandparents find their grandchildren so likeable.” Joan McIntosh
“Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.” Doug Larson
“The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.” Doug Larson
“When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.” Ogden Nash
“Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love.” Unknown
“Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children.” Alex Haley
“A grandma’s name is little less in love than is the doting title of a mother.” William Shakespeare
“A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television.” Unknown
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